Uncertainty

I am not gonna say how long it has been. It is long that I lost myself in a capitalism, chaos, and hated world. 'Uncertainty'. The thing that everyone wants to avoid, and do not want to meet it. Why? because it intrudes our security,which will affect our goals, purposes, needs, and so on. I have asked myself a lot of time if I am doing my everyday life productively because I do not want to lose chances to earn, but I totally forgot the key, which is the 'journey' while I was making money. I forgot to feel happy and do what I really want to. I have learnt from experiencing uncertainties. I am not over it, I have to be honest, but at least I am aware. Uncertainties can happen all the time, instead of avoiding it and pretend to not care about it, we must face it and see what happens. Sometimes, life is about change the directions of your journey and decide not to go to the same direction you knew that it will send you to the destination. Maybe a round of a ride, to see if there are other ways, you may find something different, interesting, and meaningful even if the new way you try is scarier and tougher. Owing to the relationships, uncertainty is another form of deluging yourself, you can force your self to please someone unconsciously just because you worried about the change, or you make promises with someone you loved, and care. You may think that it is the right thing to do and you are okay with it, so do they. However, at some point you may realize that one day those you think it is certain becomes a change and all you know is ending up to handle or unable to handle with the change and uncertainties. Eventually, you are dealing with disappointment, anger and sadness. If you do not want to feel negative about it, you can at least aware of the uncertainties more. My thoughts are to: * Be sure to BE YOURSELF and accept others to be themselves too. * Be sure to work hard, but play hard (remember the word 'Balance') * Be sure to do what you want and care what others will think less. * Be sure to speak less but listen and act more * Be sure to stay present and focus on the moment * Be sure to aware of uncertainties. Uncertainties will come sooner or later. Be positive, move on, and your fear will go away as long as you accepted the uncertainties and changes. AW.

The two ways

Yeah.. right should be reminded that in reality we rarely meet pleased situations at all times. Those unpleasant events are thresholds to bring the negative energy to your mind and then it becomes anger, stress, pain, irritation and etc. So, if we let ourselves go into what I call ' the bursting point' it could latter ruins the good relationship, time, money and as such.. The questions are how can we cope with those negativities we must meet in everyday lives.? . I figured.. two things today: you burst it all, shut down your control and walk away with that 'one good moment' , but what 'd left may be the damages to your whole life even OR you can make a pause , let the clock ticks and think of the three positive things quickly then you move on and let go off what bother you as quick as you can. Relax! Don't let it bother you long , so you can find that peace of mind to realize how lucky you were and are. Why would you have to actually think of positive things? this is the trick to allow your brain to feel relaxing when it deals with your madness, sadness, and depression. I do believe our brains can tell us what to do. If you practices it by controlling to not being under your emotions, then it will memorize and find better solutions to cope with your issues rationally. Repeatedly.. through time, your brain can gradually adjust your emotions by controlling over with rationales. I know , it's complicated , but I feel that the more you get to practice how your brain thinks and stay with yourself through difficult times. The better you become clear of what happned , what is happening and what will happen. AW.

Mother's Birthday and blabbing

Hola... My dream is paused , yes Spanish course is ended by me. I was just very busy that I had to choose between yoga and Spanish study. I chose yoga. I felt bad to fail my dream, but this is not permanent. I really did enjoy my Spanish class, and I am urged to learn, but time is limited and sometimes you have to choose one way or another ! Anyway.. A few rambling, I just want to say Happy Birthday to my mother here as a memory of her. I finally reached my target for a life span budget. I did not expect this to come this soon, but it did happen because of my hard working. Someone even said to me that I got some men to treat and pay for my expenses. Well.. They can think however they like because every Baht I have earned is my proud and diligence indeed. My mom bought a cake for herself on her birthday, the son did not give a damn about his mother, but girlfriend. This probably hurts her. To me, I am kind of a hard one, she can cry over and over for her sorrow, but I'm not going to sob her and say things will be okay. Hey things are not okay, so accept it and improve it. I gave her some cash for her security to live daily, I took her to nice places for dinners, movies, and of course shopping. I did not have to do all these on any specific days but any days I feel like we have a click time. So, when she started saying about wanting to buy her own cake, I responded, 'Hey! that is super cool, you have money, you know how to buy a cake, why would you have to waste your time and wait for someone and keep on guessing if you will get a birthday cake from them or not?', 'Mom, you did the right thing. I do the same,' 'I take care of myself and do whatever I want, when I want it, and no one knew what I have to deal individually'. I keep my weaknesses inside and I only show to her my strengths because I just can't be broken for her. So Happy Birthday to you, mother, and you know it's my style to just be tough on you and on us, so we can have a better life together soon. Another day passed by. I am still thankful after the big storm came last night when my emotion erupted for nothing. as I remain being myself and human on this earth, I still have so many reasons to live ... The true is that I still stuck with something I know it's not a bright future, but my gut told me I just have to hold on.. Many times I am unsure about things, a lot of things.. and If I chose already , no regrets.... Night xoxo zzzzz AW.

Heart and Brain

Wait a minute , it has been almost three months since my last update?? I'm not kidding you why I left my blog this long. I've been extremely busy with a few things that I feel bad for myself from lacking of a constant discipline. It has been okay for me to learn new things, to adjust quick and to try to forget negative stuff out of my life. Yoga practices have been incredible, I gotta say soon enough I can achieve my dreams :) when I say it "soon" , I meant it D: I've heard issues from my colleagues, they pass their experiences to me; many issues at work especially a poor and ineffective boss whose has a little heart and low level of mercy! Anyway.. Not to mention about it but this brings my positive energy down, and I try so hard not to pay attention to this matter. I just could not stand how a person whose mask is always on the face and behind the smile is a sharp knife.. This reminds me of how we all can be selfish to get what we want? No, this is not a human nature.. instead this is human unconscious behaviors that overlap with the morality while they still say that they know what morality is. At the end of the day, I still think what goes around comes around and this situation makes me think that we should judge people by their attentions. So,I am admitted that 'I am imperfect' in the moral sense, because I really do play the roles the societies have given me. We all are not truly who we really are! Trust me that no one is and will never. For certain people are nearly possible, but still impossible. Why ?? I hate to say that it is the way it is since we were born, everything is unnatural but surrounded by what your parents, societies, governments, environment and as such that has continually embraced you that you do not even remember of how pure your soul ever was ? Recently, I try to change the way I think and who I was, and then I realized that to change who you really are before is difficult but you can do it for better. Human attitudes can simply be controlled by a remote control that he/she is actually holding it all the time! Well.. If you know how to control your heart by using your brain, things will come... I didn't mean that people who use the brain to think are bad, they just start learning the balance between their hearts and minds, which I strongly believe that it's true where the two things must be balanced. Let's say you can not let all your emotions go to every one at anytime and anywhere! Meanwhile, you can not also allow your brain to think over your heart for all events because you are human, who have hearts and naive nature.. One thing may be suitable to use the brain, another thing may be better to let the heart leads.. it depends on situations, but these two things must always go together, not one or the other. " You can not be a human without a heart, neither nor brain " AW.

Depression

A tough month it had been in July that I didn't have so much time to update my blog. Today I will write about depression. I know a few people that deals with depression and sometimes I doubt about myself if I have depression symptoms. It is good you are aware of it, better than being unconscious about it I guess.. A man I knew jumped off the building for some reasons, he might probably dealt with the depression for a while and suicide was the only solution for him. While, a past few days, a Thai singer/ guitar player also jumped off the building too.. What those indicate to our society and human emotions? The information I found from http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-signs-and-symptoms.htm Recognising Depression Symptoms: The normal ups and downs of life mean that everyone feels sad or has "the blues" from time to time. But if emptiness and despair have taken hold of your life and won't go away, you may have depression. Depression makes it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did. Just getting through the day can be overwhelming. But no matter how hopeless you feel, you can get bette :) What is depression? Sadness or downswings in mood are normal reactions to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness. Some people describe depression as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. However, some depressed people don't feel sad at all—they may feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic, or men in particular may even feel angry, aggressive, and restless. Whatever the symptoms, depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting, with little, if any, relief. Here is the checklist for you : If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression. you can’t sleep or you sleep too much you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult you feel hopeless and helpless you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior you have thoughts that life is not worth living (seek help immediately if this is the case) Depression and suicide risk Depression is a major risk factor for suicide. The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression can make suicide feel like the only way to escape the pain. If you have a loved one with depression, take any suicidal talk or behavior seriously and learn to recognize the warning signs. Warning signs of suicide include: Talking about killing or harming one’s self Expressing strong feelings of hopelessness or being trapped An unusual preoccupation with death or dying Acting recklessly, as if they have a death wish (e.g. speeding through red lights) Calling or visiting people to say goodbye Getting affairs in order (giving away prized possessions, tying up loose ends) Saying things like “Everyone would be better off without me” or “I want out” A sudden switch from being extremely depressed to acting calm and happy Well, now that I understand more about depression. I realise that I fell into those signs but it does not mean I have a depression and can not be cured. I might had a depression last week but listen, If you stop those negative thoughts and make an effort to stay away from those bad thoughts with your consciousness , you can overcome your own depression before it is too late. I don't blame people who kill themselves, but I think that it's just a blank thought they had when they feel the weakest that they can't live anymore. What did I do to cope with my sliced depression ? I just called someone and told her how I was feeling! Believe me, it felt better afterwards! Remember to stay with a person who you can talk to,if not write down your dramatic sides on a paper or something, at least to bring your consciousness back and to express your emotion! Wou would feel better!..Always remember that suicide is the solution for yourself to avoid solving problems but it is not the solution of the real problems. Even if you may feel it's the worst time of your life, you have to live with it! Don't take life so seriously but stay happy! Problems are on your thoughts nowhere else! Good luck. If you are depressing right now, I hope you find better ways out soon. You're not alone.

อัตตา Ego (ต่อ)

คนเราถ้าได้บินสูง ยิ่งเหลิง ยิ่งหลงตัวเอง ยิงถูกครอบงำด้วยกิเลส เเละอัตตา(Ego) เคยโพสเกี่ยวกับอัตตาในบล้อคก่อนหน้าไว้ว่า ถ้าไม่มีอัตตาโลกจะสงบขึ้นเยอะ ยิ่งถ้าเป็นเจ้าเป็นนายคน ยิ่งต้องบินให้ต่ำหรือเสมอกับผู้อื่น เพื่อเป็นตัวอย่างกับผู้น้อย ที่น้อยประสบการณ์มากกว่า เเละถ่อมตนเพื่อให้คนเคารพ รับฟัง เเละปรับไปใช้จากความสามารถ ไม่ใช่อำนาจที่มีมากกว่า เพราะในที่สุดไม่มีใครบินค้างฟ้าได้ ก็ต้องตกลงมาอยู่จุดเดียวกันเสมอๆ ไป พูดจริงๆว่าไม่ได้อินธรรมะ เข้าวัด หรือบวชเรียนอะไมากมาย เเต่จากประสบการณ์ที่เจอมาเองในชีวิต เเละความที่ชอบสังเกตสิ่งรอบๆตัว กับการซึมซับการปลงด้วยตัวเองมาหลายๆหนที่เห็น ที่ได้ยิน ได้เห็น ผู้ใหญ่ บุพการี คนข้างๆสอน เลยทำให้ซึมซับเกี่ยวกับรูปธรรม มามากพอควร เรื่องที่ไม่คาดคิด ไม่คาดฝันว่าจะเจอ หลายๆเรื่องทำให้เป็นคนเหมือนเเข็งกระด้างภายนอก เพราะต้องเป็นหลักให้เเม่ เข็มเเข็งตลอดให้เเม่เห็นเเละเชื่อใจ เวลาตัดสินใจอะไร ต้องตัดสินใจเอง เเม่ก็ให้คำปรึกษา เเต่สุดท้ายเเม่ก็ให้อิสระทางความคิดมากๆ รวมทั้งการตัดสินใจทุกก้าวของชีวิต มันทำให้เราคิดอะไรเองตลอด มีหลายๆครั้งที่เหนื่อยมากกับหลายๆเรื่องเหมือนคนทุกคน เเละมุมที่อ่อนเเอมากๆ เเต่ไม่มีใครคอยปลอบใจ ก็จะมีภาพเเม่มาตรงหน้าเสมอว่าเรามีอีกคนที่ต้องดูเเล เเละใช้หลักการใช้ชีวิตในข้อนี้มาช่วยให้ความทุกข์มันจางไป รวมทั้งการได้เห็นความตาย คนใกล้ชิดที่ใกล้ตาย สามคน ในวาระสุดท้ายของชีวิตเเละประสบจริง เชื่อว่าตัวเองใจเย็นลงขึ้นเยอะ เพราะการฝึกสมาธิ เพราะประสบการณ์ เพราะผู้ใหญ่สอน เพราะเเม่สอน เเละการเปิดโลกกับตัวเอง ให้ได้เห็นความจริง ทดลองด้วยตัวเองมามากพอประมาณนึง เลยทำใหรู้สึกว่าคนที่มีปัญญา เท่านั้นจะไม่ปล่อยให้อัตตาครอบงำตัวเอง คนผู้นั้นจึงมีความสุข ไม่ใช่สุขในเเบบที่เบียดเบียนใครอยู่เพราะสุขที่เเท้จริงก็คือความไม่ยึดติดในความยั่งยืนใดๆเช่นกัน จงพึงระลึกเสมอว่า อะไรๆก็ไม่เเน่นอน ไม่ยั่งยืน ทั้งเงินทอง ยศศักดิ์ ชื่อเสียง ผู้ใหญ่อย่าข่มเหงผู้นอย อย่าตัดโอกาสคน วางตนให้เป็นที่น่าเคารพดีกว่าถูกเขาหบามเหยียดภายหลัง บางทีคนเราต้องหยุดสักนิดเพื่อตักน้ำใส่กะโหลกฉโงกดูเงาตนเองว่า เราเป็นใคร มีหน้าที่อย่างไร ปฎิบัติชอบเเล้วหรือไม่ เบียดเบียนเอาเปรียบใครอยู่รึเปล่า เเละกลับมาตั้งสติทบทวนการใช้ชีวิตว่า คุณมีความสุขเเบบไหนกัน เป็นสุขที่เห็นเเต่ตัวเองหรือเปล่าหรือมีความสุขอยู่บนความทุกข์ของคนอื่นอยู่ไหม ?? สำรวจตัวเองสักนิดเเละจะรู้ว่า อัตตาคุณอยู่ไหนระดับไหนเเล้วปรับมันให้อยู่ในระดับพอดี คงถูกดังที่เขาว่า 'อัตตาทับถม'เหมือนความเขลาถมใจ ถมสติปัญญา หารู้ไม่ว่าอะไรคือพอดี

คือปัญญา ราตรีสวัสดิ์

The last moment...

Fear Confusion Happy Sad Cheerful Pain Hope ... All the feelings will fade away when you are breathing for the last time of your life. It sounds sad and hopeless, but at the same time I feel accepting. I had a chance to witness two terminal cancer patients at the last stage for their lives. It is not easy to see them go, but I called it a chance because the experiences I had taught me to be much stronger. I realize that nothing last forever. Staring at them is like I'm watching myself in the future.... My grandmother suffered so much through her last four months. I was so close and take care of her from a very beginning to the end. I learnt a lot from my mother during the process of cleaning severe wounds on her chest. Many horrible scenes due to her illness stuck in my mind from the first to the fourth chemo therapy we went together. Then, my aunt.. a poor lady had the intestine cancer. She did not recieve a chemo therapy like my grandmom. She went for a natural therapy where the doctor will give you such super vitamins and strict to what you eat. Generally only vegetable drinks she had for three months..and after that she passed away in peace... These two events of my life were tough on me and my family, but we overcame it..I saw many have said cancer patients need good encouragement, it is very true.. They both were very strong until the last moment. I feel that we can buy anything, but time, health and happiness. Hence, if these three things can secure you to live longer when you still have strengths, do it before it's too late. Stay happy and healthy. Use your time efficiently! Once you 're into the difficult times, you may want to turn back time, but you can not. I have told myself whenever I deal with difficulties " Enjoy the moment " It's hard to do, I know. but trust me, we all can enjoy the moment bit by bit. Before I will be in the sorrow and blame on the fate of why life 's suck, but now I'm trying to make it better.. I did what I could.. Most importantly, stop comparing yourself to others. This is the happiness killer. How can you be happy when you only see others happiness. Right ? Anyhow.. Another rambling post and I hope you can capture my ideas here. Stay happy, do your best in everyday. Do not underestimate the time and unexpected circumstances you have never thought of. Think of the uncertainty and reality. Be more accepted to the real you. Peace. Air